The News Blimp

THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND

This land is your land, this land is my land
From California, to the New York Island
From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters
This land was made for you and me

As I was walking a ribbon of highway
I saw above me an endless skyway
I saw below me a golden valley
This land was made for you and me

I’ve roamed and rambled and I’ve followed my footsteps
To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts
And all around me a voice was sounding
This land was made for you and me

The sun comes shining as I was strolling
The wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling
The fog was lifting a voice come chanting
This land was made for you and me

As I was walkin’ I saw a sign there
And that sign said no tress passin’
But on the other side it didn’t say nothin!
Now that side was made for you and me!

In the squares of the city In the shadow of the steeple
Near the relief office I see my people
And some are grumblin’ and some are wonderin’
If this land’s still made for you and me. 

Words and music by Woody Guthrie

…and we do the same things over and over again…
“I’m no longer undone when somebody accuses me of bad taste. With billions being squandered on an insane war while our own people live in squalor; while education, mental health and welfare are being sabotaged in the sweet name of “economy”; as long as this administration insists on policing the world while it can’t police it’s own streets; when the possession of pot can be a felony and thieves walk free…the whole concept of taste needs redefining.”

-Herb Caen, from the San Francisco Chronicle, August 13, 1967.

Michael Jackson was a Freak of Nature.

In the 19th century, PT Barnum made a fortune with a traveling circus. He had a special tent branded The Freak Show where he showcased weirdos, oddballs, talented freaks and the awe-inspiring.

If Michael Jackson had lived during those days, his uniquely rare talents might have been right at home staged in one of Barnum’s Freak Show tents.

Because Michael Jackson was a Freak for the ages. This guy was the definition of Freak. We were entertained, amused and disgusted by him. And it’s why we couldn’t take our eyes and ears off of him.

Act One of The Freak Show netted Michael Jackson enormous success. You know the story. For over 20 years Michael Jackson was the King of Pop.

At eleven years old Michael Jackson walked onto the TV stage of the Ed Sullivan Theater one Sunday evening…sang his heart out on “I Want You Back”…and immediately created a frenzied cross racial, cross cultural fan base which would endure and follow his every move for over four decades.

Eleven year olds don’t normally do that.

Fame and fortune followed.

Freak.

Yet for all his charismatic charm and awesome natural gifts to entertain…evil demons stalked Michael Jackson.

And those demons created Act Two of The Michael Jackson Freak Show.

They’re the villains who convinced Michael he wasn’t talented enough to satisfy his family…wasn’t handsome enough unless he hideously butchered his appearance…wasn’t wealthy enough without buying the Dylan and Beatles music…couldn’t have enough fun without a personal amusement park…didn’t believe he could be loved unless he slept with small children…and wasn’t dangerously bizarre enough without dangling his child off the deck of a skyscraper.

Those actions were not normal.

Freak.

His personal life was a train wreck. We all attended this act of The Freak Show for free. We chased the sirens. Unfortunately for Jackson his outlandishness was probably the admission price the demons exacted from him as payback for his huge talent…and was the cost he paid to share it with us.

There’s always a price for fame and fortune.

And now too soon the Final Act of The Michael Jackson Freak Show has been written.

The script is complete. It includes cable TV talking head eulogies, news helicopters trailing Jackson’s corpse over LA skies…and billions of tears shed worldwide by his adoring fans.

We miss him.

PT Barnum could have made a killing off this guy.

Those fun loving guys in the GOP are tripping all over their dicks again this week…as yet another high profile Republican pol admits to having sex with someone other than his own wife.

Here’s The Blimp Crew’s toast in song to the latest dummies hitting the road on the GOP’s Failed Path To The White House Tour….as South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford joins Nevada Senator John Ensign: the two biggest dick tripping hypocrites of the week.

Got a good reason, for taking the sleazy way out
Got a good reason, for taking the sleazy way out, now

We were dick…trippers, one way zippers, yeah!
It took us so…long…to work it out, but we worked it out

She’s a big teaser, took me halfway to Appalachia-tina, now
She’s a big teaser, took me half the way to campaign nirvana…

Wow!

We were dick…trippers, one way zippers, yeah!
It took us so…long, to work it out, but we worked it out

Tried to please her, wow…she really rocked our night stands
Tried to please her…she really only blew GOP’s, wow

We were dick…trippers, looney fuckers, yeah!
It took us so long…to work it out, but we worked it out

Dick trippers
Yank our zippers, yeah!

Dick trippers
Yank our zippers, yeah!

-With apologies to John and Paul

John McCain and his impotent Republican buddies are suckers for the controlling Iranian mullahs.

Their loudmouth, Bushian approach to intervention in the Iranian election process…and the resultant mob street protests…proves once more that John McCain and the GOP have ZERO understanding of neither Middle East culture nor religious political power.

Never have. Never will.

The mullahs, President Ahmadinajad and their supporters would love nothing more than to be able to internationally lynch the United States for interfering in the Iranian election chaos…blaming the US once more for imperialism…for so many years a label well-earned.

Fortunately, President Obama has shown restraint in his words and actions…as well as consideration for the street protesters who are putting their bodies in harms way for revolutionary Iranian change.

Iranian change…if it is to occur..must be completely organic. 

Barack Obama understands this.

It’s about time we have a president who finally…after over 200 years…takes George Washington’s advice on overseas diplomacy seriously:

“Beware of foreign entanglements”…

…rather than a president and party which believes that politics similar in strategy to the Iran-Contra conspiracy of the 1980’s...is the way to lead the world.

“Against the insidious wiles of foreign influence (I conjure you to believe me, fellow-citizens) the jealousy of a free people ought to be constantly awake, since history and experience prove that foreign influence is one of the most baneful foes of republican government. But that jealousy to be useful must be impartial; else it becomes the instrument of the very influence to be avoided, instead of a defense against it. Excessive partiality for one foreign nation and excessive dislike of another cause those whom they actuate to see danger only on one side, and serve to veil and even second the arts of influence on the other. Real patriots who may resist the intrigues of the favorite are liable to become suspected and odious, while its tools and dupes usurp the applause and confidence of the people, to surrender their interests.”

-George Washington September 17, 1796

The most absurd social networking waste of time created in the past few years is…Twitter.

In case you’ve been marooned on some south seas atoll and just recently returned to cyber-hyperspace…Twitter is a micro-blogging service which allows users to fire off limited message updates…“tweets”… about what’s going on in their lives….minute-by-minute if one so chooses.

Like…“I’m having a venti double mocha on Sutter”…or “Hey, Ted…I’ve  just been blown by Jane in the stairwell.-John”

Who the hell really cares…besides well, uh…John?

Nevertheless in April…32.1 million unique visitors hit Twitter…with most “tweets” occurring during normal hours of business operation!

A result of the gigantic uptick in cell phone texting…Twitter is the evolutionary stepchild of MySpace and Facebook. Because of it’s sudden pervasiveness, it now stands alone as potentially the biggest drain on American worker productivity since extended martini lunches, workplace web surfing and internet porno.

In simple terms, gross domestic productivity is the measure of an economy’s performance during a specific period of time…as in a fiscal year, for instance. It’s equal to the sum of the income generated by production for one year…including employee compensation, production and import taxes generated by sales on products produced…less subsidies and profits.

If you extend out some relatively simple math numbers…inane tweeting Twitterers are creating a scenario which might ultimately steal real business growth from employers…by decreasing productivity…resulting in big losses for gross domestic productivity.

No joke.

And all because mindless thumbs are in motion…rather than creative minds….we’re suffering a ridiculous waste of time, energy and productivity.

Out popped the buzzard and the oriole…tweet, tweet, tweet.

Every Tuesday iTunes gives away a new, free single download…and most every week we wonder why we bothered checking it out…most of ‘em are so consistently bad. After a quick review, it’s usually painfully obvious why they’re gratis. Most of them are throw aways.

So imagine our surprise a couple of weeks back when we clicked on Black Joe Lewis and The Honeybears freebie, Sugarfoot. After a few quick bars in…we thought these guys were  Houston’s Archie Bell and the Drells…masquerading as 21st century party animals…because  The Blimp Crew kept hearing The Drells AM radio ‘68 classic, Tighten Up.

Like Archie’s house rockin‘ 60’s soul…Joe Lewis’ music is Dr. Feelgood pub and party time stuff.

Though NPR said of Joe’s lead vocals…“he shouts and wails like a soul man, Joe Lewis drools and gums his words so unintelligibly you’ll be lucky to catch one in five.”…it’s well worth sorting through the mush mouth as Lewis’ eight piece Austin, Texas band is in full party mode with tons of horns and 60’s soul on it’s new release, Tell ‘Em What Your Name Is.

This is rockin’ swingin’ classic soul man fun stuff…which proves once again…you don’t have to understand all the words…to get your party on.

                              The News Blimp 2009

Writing in the San Francisco Examiner, Art Spander offers the most relevant contemporary analysis of U.S. Justice Department attempts to convict and incarcerate Barry Bonds, his “crime” relative to current events…and Bonds’ role as a high profile scapegoat for The Steroid Era.

A few Spander home runs from “Time For Government To Forfeit Case Against Bonds’:

“Does America care more that Barry Bonds seemingly cheated in baseball than a lot of guys at banks and loan agencies cheated people out of their homes?”

“Barry didn’t sell people sub-prime mortgages. Barry didn’t run off with anyone’s 401 (k). Barry didn’t tell the world Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.”

“The government essentially is wasting millions of our dollars trying to make a mark against a guy who has made his mark, 762 career home runs. What if he were just a singles hitter with a .238 lifetime average?”

Outta the park…baby…outta the park.

Hey…Detroit!

Now that you’ve declared that bankruptcy is the only path to survival…The Blimp Crew is here to offer you two simple…yet challenging ways by which you might become profitable once again.

Step One: Sell the rental car companies one, high quality product representative of your overall production values.

How many times have you rented a car…any car…and you can’t believe how awful it is?

Way more often than not, we believe. The cars Detroit sells to Hertz, Avis, National…any of the chains…are the scrub, bottom of the line vehicle models in trim, fit, finish, performance…and unfortunately…quality.

All the chains care about, of course, is that they’re able to provide a vehicle that’ll get renters from point A to B and back…for X dollars. They don’t care about the quality of the vehicle. Why should they? They know the cars’ll get trashed over time…either winding up in scrap heaps at 30,000 miles…or dumped onto one of their resale lots.

It’s the auto manufacturers with lots to lose in the rental car business…and they don’t even realize it! 

Instead of the bottom of the model line cars winding up at the rental agencies…what if the GM’s, Chrysler’s and Ford’s sold the Hertz’s of the world…a truly representative product of their new production efforts?  What if they attempted to limit their fleet sales to one really good, high quality mid-sized model?

Provide no choices at the rental counter. Provide no varied selection of brands or models. Why bother? Under the old manufacturing structure…a Chevy-was-a-Buick-was-a-Pontiac…as a Chrysler-was-a-Dodge, anyway.

The manufacturers should each brand one really great mid-range priced car for high volume rental fleets…one which is terrific in every way. In trim, fit, finish, performance…and quality. Build a car for rental distribution that says…“here’s an example of the best we can do.” And do it. Rather than provide an example of the “cheapest way we can build and sell a bunch of cars” to the Avis’.

And remember…a high quality car does not mean it has to be an expensive car. For example, there’ve been plenty of lower cost, high quality Honda Civics and Toyota Corollas running around our highways for years now.

We believe people will pay attention…will notice the difference…and they will go to dealers to check them out.

Step Two: Follow the European marketing and sales models used to promote and encourage the purchase of Diesel vehicles.

We’ve got news for you…high fuel prices are right around the corner once more. If you’ve been seduced back into SUV’s and pickups the past few months because gas has been relatively cheap for a short period of time…be ready for a rude awakening.

Gasoline will be back to $4.00 and $5.00 a gallon within the next year. Bank on it.

For years…Detroit has said…“Americans won’t buy Diesels. Why build them?” And for years it’s been true. Americans haven’t wanted to buy them…because when they’ve thought “Diesel”…consumers pictured smelly, dirty, noisy, air polluting vehicles. And up until about 8 years ago…they’ve been right.

But those lousy Diesel days are long gone.

Fact: Where the cost of fuel is more than three times more expensive than in the States…almost 60 per cent of autos sold in Europe run on Diesel.

Modern, high tech Diesels sold in Europe now get as many as 87 highway miles per gallon…and between 44 and 65 mpg in city driving. Take into account the Europeans gauge true mile per gallon consumption on a much more strict basis than American testing standards…and there are real consumption and cost value differences between gasoline and Diesel engines.

European buyers have a wide range of clean, quiet, powerful, fuel efficient, high quality Diesel autos to select from…by well known European and Asian manufacturers like Audi, VW, Peugeot, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Kia and Volvo. In fact Volvo’s S40 DRIVe European Diesel, owned by Ford…was recently named “Greenest Car of the Year” in Europe.

Guess who else is selling Diesel big time overseas?

GM.

And Ford.

In fact, Ford’s ECOnetic Fiesta Diesel gets over 63 miles per gallon!

Hey! Give us the opportunity to buy the kinds of cars you sell in Europe!

Detroit needs to develop an effective Diesel marketing campaign which will convince American motorists that Diesel is a high quality, efficient means of fuel consumption (which will greatly reduce by millions the number of barrels of oil we import) and build the type of cars in America which are so successful overseas.

It’ll take GM, Chrysler and Ford a long time to convince consumers once more that they build desirable vehicles…ones with inherent quality and efficiency built into every car that rolls off the assembly lines.

And we believe they need to think outside the box to do it.

Neil Young is a superstar.

And he is a wealthy man.

Because Neil Young was able to connect with fans over the years through raw and often times roughly textured musical paintings of rich emotion and contemporary social relevance.

Yet, despite all of his genuine heartfelt environmental and social concerns…and for the most part…his still relevant music making…Neil Young has fallen into the musical superstar trap of self-indulgence.

Young’s first volume of his Complete Archives Series released this week…fittingly titled “Neil Young Archives: Volume 1, 1963-1972″…appears to be exactly the kind of wretched excess he so emotionally writes and sings about regarding so many of our 21st century extremes.

The Blimp Crew will tell you right now, however…that our criticism of “Volume 1, etc” is based on Young’s analysis of his new package…rather than our purchase of it. Because to actually buy the new collection would have meant we skip essentials this month such as food, clothing and utilities…and somehow we just can’t seem to justify that.

So…we’ve mined Neil’s website for the very- latest-up-to-datest news on the project…as well as Randy Lewis’ excellent LA Times piece.

Young’s quest to satisfy his need to share every little lick of his personal musical ascent with the masses…has resulted in extraordinarily ridiculous list prices for “Archives”. His justification in part for the “Archive” series is his hatred of music downloads…versus the pristine digital reproduction quality provided on the high tech CD and Blu-Ray offerings.

So…if you absolutely can’t live without Neil’s complete pictorial and musical history dating back to his high school days in The Squires…require more copies of his Buffalo Springfield involvement and additional recordings you most likely possess of his early solo days…then we suppose you won’t think twice about shelling out up to $299.00 for the “Archives” Blu-Ray set.

Yes, we completely understand that Neil’s near death crisis a few years ago created a focused resolve within himself to catalog his life. We get it. It’s been an extraordinary journey. One we’ve all enjoyed.

But we honestly believe Neil Young’s over-the-top collection is one that could have remained on the shelves of his own personal library. Because in creating a tribute to himself…which he believes many will spend big bucks on…he’s actually succumbed to the same awkward, clueless embarrassment that other classic acts of the 70’s era like the Eagles and AC/DC created for themselves by selling CD’s only through socially wicked retailer Wal Mart.

Neil Young…like the Eagles and AC/DC…has forgotten who helped make him successfully famous…and rich.

Real people.  The Woodstock Generation.

Unless there’s a realistic way for his true fans to enjoy Neil Young’s terrific life story…without having to miss meals and live without AC during the hot summer…as far as we’re concerned…he might as well skip the next few planned installments of “Archives”.

No one will be able to afford them…except rich guys like Neil Young.