The News Blimp

                              The News Blimp 2010

Bob Dylan nailed it…years ago.

Broken lines, broken strings
Broken threads, broken springs,
Broken idols, broken heads,
People sleeping in broken beds.
Ain’t no use jiving,
Ain’t no use joking,
Everything is broken.

Broken bottles, broken plates,
Broken switches, broken gates,
Broken dishes, broken parts,
Streets are filled with broken hearts.
Broken words never meant to be spoken,
Everything is broken.

Seems like every time you stop and turn around
Something else just hit the ground

Broken cutters, broken saws,
Broken buckles, broken laws,
Broken bodies, broken bones,
Broken voices on broken phones
Take a deep breath, feel like you’re chokin’,
Everything is broken.

Every time you leave and go off someplace
Thangs/Things fall to pieces in my face

Broken hands on broken ploughs,
Broken treaties, broken vows,
Broken pipes, broken tools,
People bending broken rules.
Hound dog howling, bull frog croaking,
Everything is broken.

-Bob Dylan

“Everything is Broken”-RL Burnside

April Fools Day dawned with a pretty darn funny blog by music poster Bob Lefsetz. You should read it if you wanna follow The Blimp’s flight path today.

The Joke? Lefsetz described a handful of ficticious Steve Jobs/Apple launches as real deals.

The choice ones:

1.   The purchase by Apple of Britain’s EMI Group…the financially struggling music giant whose catalog includes Beatles, Beach Boys, Band, Coldplay and Pink Floyd material.

2.   Beatles downloads only in high quality, lossless files….with The Beatles stuff on the iTunes stores in time to synch up with the iPad launch, Saturday April 3.

3.  Ten cent Apple iTunes downloads.

4.   A 3-D iPad, complete with white glasses…to be market ready in 2011.

5.   Concert tickets as bar codes on iPads…and the concert you attended downloaded to your device the next day.

So after we had a good laugh over these fairy tale dream scenarios…The Blimp Crew started floating the crazy Lefsetz concepts around the hangar a bit.

And you know what?

The fairy tales may not be so crazy.

In fact, they are dreams waiting to be realized.

Because Steve Jobs is just the kind of supremely capitalized entrepreneur visionary who could make these fairy tale fantasies reality.

Listen…

1.   Beatles music appearing on iTunes has always been “just moments away”…and it is just a matter of time before bankrupt EMI succumbs to bankers. Jobs and his wheelbarrow full of cash might just bail the company…with revenue streams created by the iTunes store choking back the vultures at the door.

2.   The iPad launch in synch with Beatles music on iTunes? If this tie-in had been realized…it would have been nuclear bomb material…the holy grail of the mass marketing of hardware and content. Even Jobs couldn’t pull this one off.

3.   Ten cent downloads? Probably not. Never. But not making music cheaper to consumers is the reason recording labels began their descent into oblivion soon after CD’s hit the racks in the 1980’s. High volume at low price of anything…makes truckloads of loot…while creating loyal, happy, repeat customers. Jobs has made music more accessible…driven the neanderthal music industry to the eve of destruction…and will make music cheaper to buy as we live deeper into century 21. Bank on it.

4.   3-D of anything is hot right now. It’ll be the big ticket gadget everyone will want for the next 3-5 years. But the hoot here is that we won’t need to wear the funny glasses to get the video illusions on hand held devices. Look at what Nintendo will be achieving soon with it’s new handheld 3DS gaming system. Just imagine how cool 3-D video content will look in your lap on an iPad. Just a matter of time.

5.   No one will want to lug his iPad to a concert just because it’s the ticket to a Kings of Leon or Dave Matthews gig. But you will carry your iPhone…and that’s the ticket. All the other techie goodies follow once you’re paid and in the venue. If you’re not convinced bar codes on your super-phone is the ticket…check this out.

So while we may have chuckled a bit at the surface level silliness of the Lefsetz April Fools Day blog…in this case…the ultimate dreams may just be an Apple byte or two away from…reality…

…and wishing we had bought Apple shares yesterday when they were only $236 each.

WTF?

31 million Americans are without health care…premiums for some individuals who do have insurance are being jacked up by increments of as much as 31%…people are literally dying at the hands of insurance companies which cancel beneficiaries when they require chemo or other drastic life saving measures…and yet we have a president who is basically begging for support of his health care reform package!

Why the hell aren’t angry, disgusted people marching in the streets of America to support health care reform?

We’ve become a nation of “haves” and “have-nots”…and many of the “haves” in our nation with sound, current health care have become a loud, vocal minority whipped into a “fiscal responsibility” frenzy by media savvy GOP types who could give a flying fuck about those less fortunate than they.

Obviously a prerequisite for their form of fiscal responsibility is to check the sense of responsibility and empathy for fellow Americans at the doors to the congress of the United States before entering.

Face it: There is no such thing as clean coal.

Yet West Virginia senator Jay Rockefeller is pissed that President Obama’s budget ignores West Virginia’s coal industry in favor of cleaner energy alternatives.

This from a reader…

“The trend towards the mass mechanization of coal production…where one giant earth-moving machine replaces 100 men …will soon render the traditional underground miner useless. Thousands of Appalachian communities endure the blasting, coal dust, ruined water and environmental destruction caused by MTR…mountain top removal. They are living in what some call, the ‘Energy Sacrifice Zone’.  The coal industry remains the sole economic force of the state, reaping billions in profits every year, while residents of West Virginia remain among the poorest of the nation. In the coalfields, the imbalance is amplified: while Boone county produces the most coal in the state, 20% of its residents languish below the poverty line.”

The coal mining issue in America is not just about continuing the scorched earth policy of the industry…but more the need…finally…for the respect due an entire, under privileged economic region of our nation…it’s hard working laborers who’ve endured decades of corporate tyranny…and ultimately the sacrifices they’ve made and continue to make in their personal and community well being.

The Blimp Crew suggests you visit this link for more info on the current state of the coal industry in America…and mountain top removal.

Senate Unveils CompromiseCare
Details of Healthcare Plan Revealed

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)

The United States Senate today unveiled details of it’s health care plan, tentatively called CompromiseCareTM:

– Under CompromiseCareTM, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan.

…and

– Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.
– You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.
– States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.
– You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.
– You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.
– A patient will be considered “pre-existing” if he or she already exists.
– You’ll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.
– Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is “Lieberman.”
– You will have access to natural remedies, such as death.

Hey…Detroit!

Now that you’ve declared that bankruptcy is the only path to survival…The Blimp Crew is here to offer you two simple…yet challenging ways by which you might become profitable once again.

Step One: Sell the rental car companies one, high quality product representative of your overall production values.

How many times have you rented a car…any car…and you can’t believe how awful it is?

Way more often than not, we believe. The cars Detroit sells to Hertz, Avis, National…any of the chains…are the scrub, bottom of the line vehicle models in trim, fit, finish, performance…and unfortunately…quality.

All the chains care about, of course, is that they’re able to provide a vehicle that’ll get renters from point A to B and back…for X dollars. They don’t care about the quality of the vehicle. Why should they? They know the cars’ll get trashed over time…either winding up in scrap heaps at 30,000 miles…or dumped onto one of their resale lots.

It’s the auto manufacturers with lots to lose in the rental car business…and they don’t even realize it! 

Instead of the bottom of the model line cars winding up at the rental agencies…what if the GM’s, Chrysler’s and Ford’s sold the Hertz’s of the world…a truly representative product of their new production efforts?  What if they attempted to limit their fleet sales to one really good, high quality mid-sized model?

Provide no choices at the rental counter. Provide no varied selection of brands or models. Why bother? Under the old manufacturing structure…a Chevy-was-a-Buick-was-a-Pontiac…as a Chrysler-was-a-Dodge, anyway.

The manufacturers should each brand one really great mid-range priced car for high volume rental fleets…one which is terrific in every way. In trim, fit, finish, performance…and quality. Build a car for rental distribution that says…“here’s an example of the best we can do.” And do it. Rather than provide an example of the “cheapest way we can build and sell a bunch of cars” to the Avis’.

And remember…a high quality car does not mean it has to be an expensive car. For example, there’ve been plenty of lower cost, high quality Honda Civics and Toyota Corollas running around our highways for years now.

We believe people will pay attention…will notice the difference…and they will go to dealers to check them out.

Step Two: Follow the European marketing and sales models used to promote and encourage the purchase of Diesel vehicles.

We’ve got news for you…high fuel prices are right around the corner once more. If you’ve been seduced back into SUV’s and pickups the past few months because gas has been relatively cheap for a short period of time…be ready for a rude awakening.

Gasoline will be back to $4.00 and $5.00 a gallon within the next year. Bank on it.

For years…Detroit has said…“Americans won’t buy Diesels. Why build them?” And for years it’s been true. Americans haven’t wanted to buy them…because when they’ve thought “Diesel”…consumers pictured smelly, dirty, noisy, air polluting vehicles. And up until about 8 years ago…they’ve been right.

But those lousy Diesel days are long gone.

Fact: Where the cost of fuel is more than three times more expensive than in the States…almost 60 per cent of autos sold in Europe run on Diesel.

Modern, high tech Diesels sold in Europe now get as many as 87 highway miles per gallon…and between 44 and 65 mpg in city driving. Take into account the Europeans gauge true mile per gallon consumption on a much more strict basis than American testing standards…and there are real consumption and cost value differences between gasoline and Diesel engines.

European buyers have a wide range of clean, quiet, powerful, fuel efficient, high quality Diesel autos to select from…by well known European and Asian manufacturers like Audi, VW, Peugeot, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Kia and Volvo. In fact Volvo’s S40 DRIVe European Diesel, owned by Ford…was recently named “Greenest Car of the Year” in Europe.

Guess who else is selling Diesel big time overseas?

GM.

And Ford.

In fact, Ford’s ECOnetic Fiesta Diesel gets over 63 miles per gallon!

Hey! Give us the opportunity to buy the kinds of cars you sell in Europe!

Detroit needs to develop an effective Diesel marketing campaign which will convince American motorists that Diesel is a high quality, efficient means of fuel consumption (which will greatly reduce by millions the number of barrels of oil we import) and build the type of cars in America which are so successful overseas.

It’ll take GM, Chrysler and Ford a long time to convince consumers once more that they build desirable vehicles…ones with inherent quality and efficiency built into every car that rolls off the assembly lines.

And we believe they need to think outside the box to do it.

The GM and Chrysler efforts to modify the way they sell cars by closing hundreds of dealerships in this country is just one more example of the fairy tale world within which they exist.

“Fewer, more profitable dealerships is better than having thousands of smaller less profitable dealerships,” said auto analyst John Casesa.

Really?

Isn’t that kind of like saying one thousand dollar bill is worth more than one thousand dollar bills?

If GM and Chrysler hope the sum of auto sales at larger retail outlets will be at least equal to current sales numbers…with fewer dealerships…doesn’t this new strategy risk losing potential buyers who can’t conveniently shop at one of the mega stores…ultimately driving sales numbers even lower?

Inconvenience discourages retail shoppers. It drives them away in droves. How do profits increase on less volume? And where will service and warranty work be performed? At the new larger, yet less convenient locations?

Please.

This lame, faulty industry logic is just another example why American auto manufacturers have been in self-destruct mode for years.

If GM and Chrysler truly want to increase profits…why not blow up the entire dealer/franchise network completely?

Offer all vehicles for sale online at Internet SuperCenters. The auto buying experience would improve immediately. Mark the vehicles online for their true retail value. No haggling. Financing approval could occur online, at home. With pre-approval…and set retail pricing…we’d be rid of all kinds of annoying dealership hassles while waiting for the rejection/acceptance of an offer by management.

Then a friendly, skilled Customer Service representative could drive the vehicle to the customer’s home for approval…before the final contract is signed.

And higher profit service, parts and warranty stores could be designed to take up less real estate than traditional dealership facilities…be conveniently located in most markets regardless of size…reducing debt service while allowing greater customer satisfaction.

Consumers would get better values.

GM and Chrysler would create better margins.

Risky? You bet.

But a new, radically daring approach may be the only option available to save an industry which has always driven the safe road to profits.

                               The News Blimp 2009

                               The News Blimp 2009

Most Americans are sick of the thought that the government might hand GM and Chrysler another round of bailout dough. That’s simply the way the nation feels, polls say.

“No more money for failing corporations….even if it’s for the auto industry”

Might Americans feel differently about the bailouts, if the auto industry had treated American consumers with more respect over the years?

Think about it. The process of buying an automobile in this country, historically, has been a giant pain in the ass. Name one car shopper who has enjoyed being hassled while making a decision on the second largest dollar purchase next to buying a home.

But that’s the way purchasing an automobile has always been here.

A hassle.

You name it, from bait and switch ad campaigns…through the high pressure selling on the showroom floor…to being forced to buy ridiculously over-priced useless stuff like pre-applied undercoat protection…over the years, manufacturers and dealers created adversarial customer-retailer relationships. All the negative time and energy required to buy an automobile created legendary consumer distrust.

Where the hell do you think all the car salesman jokes came from?

Rather than an honest, simple exchange of hard earned money for product…putting up with all the auto dealer bullshit became a necessary evil in order to complete what should be a highly pleasurable vehicle purchase.

And probably worst of all…manufacturers allowed dealers to treat customers with disrespect.

Can you imagine customer service star Nordstrom hassling you over a new pair of shoes? Or the guys down at the local Apple store giving you the runaround about a new iMac?

Uh, no.

But if lousy sales practices haven’t been enough to alienate American auto shoppers, dealing with dealership service departments has been even worse.

There, the high pressure selling and disrespect continues. And most of the time, it’s even worse there than what goes on in the showrooms. Because everyone knows dealers make no profit selling cars. They make the money that keeps dealerships solvent…in the service department.

Recent studies indicate a majority of folks requiring auto work would rather take their cars to small independent shops for repairs and service. People feel that when they choose a dealer for service…they’re told they need a lot of work that isn’t necessary. But when they go to small shops, it’s more likely they’ll get advice such as…“This is what you need. You can wait on the other stuff.”

Case in point. Your Blimp pilot recently bumped into a good friend he hadn’t seen for awhile. For over 25 years, our friend has been been a respected, nationally certified mechanic and service department manager for one of the largest auto dealerships in the American southwest. When asked what he’d been up to since our last visit…he told us he’d been fired from his service manager position at the dealership.

Why?

Because ownership felt our friend wasn’t “confrontational enough” with customers. They said our friend…rather than being a hard ass on assessing repairs, too often gave customers “hope”.

This should be hard to believe. But actually, it’s not…given the adversarial relationships dealers developed with consumers over decades.

Sorry GM and Chrysler…cry us a river when you moan that you need more of our money to save your asses.  You have had your chance to save your own asses. You might have saved them with relevant products…and respect for your customers.

So, unlike our mechanic buddy who attempted to be a good adviser…we offer you absolutely…no “hope”.

President Obama is suddenly the target of friendly fire. Mainstream supporters during the election…many bloggers, op-ed types and pundits…now find cause to take aim at him with incredible negativity.

Evidently it’s not enough that he must endure the mindless, reckless shots from the Rush Limbaughs and the Ann Coulters of the lunatic fringe.

From Frank Rich to Maureen Dowd to Paul Krugman…writers and talking heads are all furiously slobbering over themselves about the perceived lack of progress achieved by Obama during his short time in Washington.

Because after 60 days in office, Barack Obama hasn’t yet saved our ravaged economy.

An economy which took ten years to destroy.

Overnight…everyone in Punditland is an economic genius!

They’re all experts. Though none of them really know what to do.

Except criticize.

Pray tell…what else do these naysayers expect? Solutions for the common cold, cancer and AIDS while Barack’s at it? Sounds like they believe we elected a president back in November who’d be able to walk on water.

We are all so spoiled by our on-demand music downloads, instant message Twittering and microwave dinners on the table in five minutes flat that we’ve come to expect a remedy for the greatest financial crisis of our time…in under 60 days.

Nonsense.

Curing the ills which ail this nation is a process. This crisis is not something one can pop in the microwave, set the thing on high…stand back…and presto…have it cooked.

The president is trying. Hard. More than we can say for those who write the economy is suddenly “Obama’s Katrina”.

Puh-leez.

If any of you among us have better ideas and plans than those being proposed and methodically implemented by the current administration…then, by all means, let’s hear ‘em!

But if your ideas include nothing more than blabbering on about how this president is going to screw up a situation more than we’re already all so deeply screwed by…then just shut the fuck up.

And support our president.

With revelations about new political incompetence, consumer unhappiness and AIG bonus type ridiculousness slamming front pages and the news outlets daily…President Obama is basically relegated to spin control and public relations appearances.

If Obama has the real power to effect an end to this crisis, what the hell’s he doing on Jay Leno’s Tonight Show? Or cheerleading a crowd in Costa Mesa?

Wouldn’t working at his desk in the Oval Office make more sense?

Obviously at this point in the calamity, President Obama is relatively impotent when it comes to actually being able to fix stuff.

And he knows it.

His Treasury Department is understaffed and captained by a bumbling, stalling leader. As usual, Congress is pointing fingers and in complete disarray.

It’s obvious that the only escape route from this financial Witch Mountain will be led by Fed chairman Ben Bernanke.

During his 60 Minutes appearance last week, Bernanke looked and sounded like a man in complete control of himself and of his ability to end the current financial debacle. His confident, yet measured delivery served as a comforting counterpoint to the world’s current turbulent economic volatility.

While many economists, politicians and pundits ridiclule the Bernanke/Fed Board decision Wednesday to essentially “fire up the printing presses” to the tune of a trillion dollars as risky and beyond our means…the action demonstrates that someone in Washington is actually doing something about the recovery process.

Bernanke is in control. 

Right now, the only person with any real clout to fix this economy is Ben Bernanke. Agree with his policies or not…he is the only effective leader this nation has for the moment.

President Bernanke.

Since we first posted the following piece on December 9th, The Rocky Mountain News has ceased publishing…and the Seattle Post-Intelligencer and San Francisco Chronicle are near extinction.

Isn’t it a pity?

Or, does anyone really care?

The “dailies” have been doomed for a long time. The Internet, you know. But lately, it’s really been giving them the business. Hard.

So now, hastened by the ever worsening economy…newspaper’s long forecast disintegration begins in earnest.

For some…like the Tribune Company…filing for bankruptcy protection will merely postpone the inevitable. But wow. Let it sink in: The Tribune Company! It owns eight major daily papers…some in Chicago, LA and Baltimore.

If it’s happened now…there…with the major market reads…swiftly it will happen as well in Portland, San Antonio, Albuquerque, Toledo…

And then…they’ll be gone. Each and every one of ‘em. At least in the way they used to be.

For many Americans…papers have been a part of the daily fabric of their lives. But who are those who’ll miss the black and white headlines? A morning without the paper and a cup of joe…or the evening Final Edition, with slippers and recliner after a hard day at work?

As with all business decisions...the disappearance of papers will be the result of the numbers game. Because statistically, those who might miss them are an ever shrinking group.

Once powerful newspaper empires have been shredded, practically overnight, by the sharp blades of demographic evolution. Throw new online information delivery into the mix…and whammo…no more daily news in the driveway.

Unlike the collapsing mismanaged domestic auto industry…there’s no one really to blame for the demise of the dailies. It’s just happened. It’s been an evolving process…this entertainment and news part of our culture.

Sometimes…this kind of evolving process is called progress.

However, in this case…this particular kind of evolving process is called...a shame.

Fearful Americans need to understand that living and dying by news of the rising or falling Dow Jones industrial average every day is not the way to gauge the nation’s economic recovery.

Over the past few years, “short” traders placing daily bets have virtually turned Wall Street into one big casino. Small “buy and hold” investors are at the mercy of these guys…who in good times may create wealth…but in volatile times as these…drag everyone down. Financially and psychologically.

Their recent trading stampedes have chased off the majority of long term buy and hold traditionalists who were hanging on for dear life. They left the market weeks ago.

The majority of trades are currently being transacted by these short traders. They’re the Wall Street bottom feeders…the piranha left in the stream hoping to feed on losers. Like the nasty sharp tooth South American fish, they feast on tearing flesh from their prey. In this case…selling borrowed stock and then buying it back…hoping in the meantime that the price will have declined.

Watch Real Estate sales for a better indicator of where we’re headed. It’s harder to follow of course, because the TV news networks can’t post it’s minute-by-minute…up-or-down movement onscreen as they do with the Dow.

It’s been written before…because it’s so obvious. Real Estate got us into this mess; it’ll lead us out of it.

Inventories in many distressed markets are actually shrinking. When falling prices begin to stabilize in those areas…that’s when we can begin to hope the worst of this crisis is behind us.

In the meantime, ignore the piranha churning the blood red stream. Those waters will be ugly for a very long time.