The News Blimp

On our flight last night, The Blimp Crew opened up our iTunes library and clicked on Stevie Wonder’s 1976 recording, Black Man.

In light of Arizona’s new immigration law…perhaps after all these years…it’s time to give it a listen once more.

First man to die
For the flag we now hold high (Crispus Attucks)
Was a black man

The ground where we stand
With the flag held in our hand
Was first the redman’s

Guide of a ship
On the first Columbus trip (Pedro Alonzo Nino)
Was a brown man

The railroads for trains
Came on tracking that was laid
By the yellow man

We pledge allegiance
All our lives
To the magic colors
Red, blue and white
But we all must be given
The liberty that we defend
For with justice not for all men
History will repeat again
It’s time we learned
This World Was Made For All Men

Heart surgery
Was first done successfully
By a black man (Dr Daniel Hale Williams)

Friendly man who died
But helped the pilgrims to survive (Squanto)
Was a redman

Farm workers rights
Were lifted to new heights (Caesar Chavez)
By a brown man

Incandescent light
Was invented to give sight (Thomas Edison)
By the white man

We pledge allegiance
All our lives
To the magic colors
Red, blue and white
But we all must be given
The liberty that we defend
For with justice not for all men
History will repeat again
It’s time we learned
This World Was Made For All Men

Hear me out…

Now I know the birthday of a nation
Is a time when a country celebrates
But as your hand touches your heart
Remember we all played a part in America
To help that banner wave

First clock to be made
In America was created
By a black man (Benjamin Banneker)

Scout who used no chart
Helped lead Lewis and Clark
Was a redman (Sacagawea)

Use of martial arts
In our country got its start
By a yellow man

And the leader with a pen
Signed his name to free all men
Was a white man (Abraham Lincoln)

We pledge allegiance
All our lives
To the magic colors
Red, blue and white
But we all must be given
The liberty that we defend
For with justice not for all men
History will repeat again
It’s time we learned
This World Was Made For All Men

This world was made for all men
This world was made for all men
This world was made for all men
God saved His world for all men
All people
All babies
All children
All colors
All races
This world’s for you
and me
This world
My world
Your world
Everybody’s world
This world
Their world
Our world
This world was made for all men

Hear me out…

Who was the first man to set foot on the North Pole?
Mattew Henson - a black man

Who was the first American to show the Pilgrims at Plymouth the secrets
of survival in the new world?
Squanto - a redman

Who was the soldier of Company G who won high honors for his courage
and heroism in World War 1?
Sing Lee - ayellow man

Who was the leader of united farm workers and helped farm workers
maintain dignity and respect?
Caesar Chavez - a brown man

Who was the founder of blood plasma and the director of the Red Cross
blood bank?
Dr. Charles Drew - a black man

Who was the first American heroine who aided the Lewis and Clark
expedition?
Sacajewa - a red woman

Who was the famous educator and semanticist who made outstanding
contributions to education in America?
Hayakawa - a yellow man

Who invented the world’s first stop light and the gas mask?
- a black man

Who was the American surgeon who was one of the founders of
neurosurgery?
Harvey William Cushing - a white man

Who was the man who helped design the nation’s capitol, made the first
clock to give time in America and wrote the first almanac?
Benjamin Banneker - a black man

Who was the legendary hero who helped establish the League of Iroquois?
Hiawatha - a redman

Who was the leader of the first microbiotic center in America?
- a yellow man

Who was the founder of the city of Chicago in 1772?
Jean Baptiste - a black man

Who was one of the organizers of the American Indian Movement?
Denis Banks - a redman

Who was the Jewish financier who raised founds to sponsor Cristopher
Columbus’ voyage to America?
Lewis D. Santangol - a white man

Who was the woman who led countless slaves to freedom on the
underground rairoad?
Harriel Tubman - a black woman

-Stevie Wonder

April Fools Day dawned with a pretty darn funny blog by music poster Bob Lefsetz. You should read it if you wanna follow The Blimp’s flight path today.

The Joke? Lefsetz described a handful of ficticious Steve Jobs/Apple launches as real deals.

The choice ones:

1.   The purchase by Apple of Britain’s EMI Group…the financially struggling music giant whose catalog includes Beatles, Beach Boys, Band, Coldplay and Pink Floyd material.

2.   Beatles downloads only in high quality, lossless files….with The Beatles stuff on the iTunes stores in time to synch up with the iPad launch, Saturday April 3.

3.  Ten cent Apple iTunes downloads.

4.   A 3-D iPad, complete with white glasses…to be market ready in 2011.

5.   Concert tickets as bar codes on iPads…and the concert you attended downloaded to your device the next day.

So after we had a good laugh over these fairy tale dream scenarios…The Blimp Crew started floating the crazy Lefsetz concepts around the hangar a bit.

And you know what?

The fairy tales may not be so crazy.

In fact, they are dreams waiting to be realized.

Because Steve Jobs is just the kind of supremely capitalized entrepreneur visionary who could make these fairy tale fantasies reality.

Listen…

1.   Beatles music appearing on iTunes has always been “just moments away”…and it is just a matter of time before bankrupt EMI succumbs to bankers. Jobs and his wheelbarrow full of cash might just bail the company…with revenue streams created by the iTunes store choking back the vultures at the door.

2.   The iPad launch in synch with Beatles music on iTunes? If this tie-in had been realized…it would have been nuclear bomb material…the holy grail of the mass marketing of hardware and content. Even Jobs couldn’t pull this one off.

3.   Ten cent downloads? Probably not. Never. But not making music cheaper to consumers is the reason recording labels began their descent into oblivion soon after CD’s hit the racks in the 1980’s. High volume at low price of anything…makes truckloads of loot…while creating loyal, happy, repeat customers. Jobs has made music more accessible…driven the neanderthal music industry to the eve of destruction…and will make music cheaper to buy as we live deeper into century 21. Bank on it.

4.   3-D of anything is hot right now. It’ll be the big ticket gadget everyone will want for the next 3-5 years. But the hoot here is that we won’t need to wear the funny glasses to get the video illusions on hand held devices. Look at what Nintendo will be achieving soon with it’s new handheld 3DS gaming system. Just imagine how cool 3-D video content will look in your lap on an iPad. Just a matter of time.

5.   No one will want to lug his iPad to a concert just because it’s the ticket to a Kings of Leon or Dave Matthews gig. But you will carry your iPhone…and that’s the ticket. All the other techie goodies follow once you’re paid and in the venue. If you’re not convinced bar codes on your super-phone is the ticket…check this out.

So while we may have chuckled a bit at the surface level silliness of the Lefsetz April Fools Day blog…in this case…the ultimate dreams may just be an Apple byte or two away from…reality…

…and wishing we had bought Apple shares yesterday when they were only $236 each.

There were three great, legendary “Willies” in the 1960’s: Mays, McCovey…and Mitchell.

The first two Willies aimed for the fences.

The third Willie aimed for our souls.

As baseball’s two Willies blazed important paths in so many ways for the ballplayers of today…many of Willie Mitchell’s ground breaking achievements in production and arranging helped pave the way for today’s recording artists.

The following is the Willie Mitchell obituary from The Recording Academy.

We are deeply saddened by the passing of Willie Mitchell.

An accomplished trumpeter who led one of the region’s premier bands of the ’50s, he made the transition to recording star at Hi Records in the ’60s. At Hi he became a vital part of the organization by engineering, producing, scouting talent and eventually running the label. A true renaissance man, Willie Mitchell created his own Memphis sound - a uniquely sophisticated brand of funk.

He put together one of the world’s greatest rhythm sections…Hi Rhythm…featuring Teenie Hodges on guitar, Charles Hodges on organ, Leroy Hodges on bass and drummer Howard Grimes. He made stars of Ann Peebles, Otis Clay, O.V. Wright and Syl Johnson, creating recordings still revered, covered and sampled to this day.

In 1969 while on tour with his Willie Mitchell Band, he met a young singer from Michigan in Midland, Texas and brought him back to Memphis. Together, he and Al Green made history, creating an unparalleled body of work featuring arguably the greatest voice in soul backed by Mitchell’s unique mix of gritty southern R&B and elegant arrangements.

In 2007 he was recognized by the Memphis Chapter of The Recording Academy at The Recording Academy Honors. In 2008 he received an even larger honor from The Recording Academy at the 50th annual GRAMMY Awards - The Trustees Award.

His impact on Memphis and music is immeasurable.

There will probably never be another one like Willie Mitchell.

When you love music as much as the Blimp Crew does…it’s really hard not to look back at the past 12 months and create a minds eye list of eardrum satisfying fave raves which…thank God…made a pretty lousy 2009 at least tolerable.

So…here, in no particular order…are 5 collections of music which helped keep The News Blimp aloft…while it seemed that for most of last year, much of our world was crashing forcefully down around us…

Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears/Tell ‘Em What Your Name Is  No other band in 2009 unleashed such an infectiously strong blend of party rockin’ soul and blues as these Austin, Texas guys. If you can’t get your ass up off the couch when they rip into Boogie or Sugarfoot…you died last year.

Joe Bonamassa/Live At The Royal Albert Hall Simply put, this is a white man on a mission to save the black man’s blues…and he’s doing a pretty damn good job of it. To really capture the essence of the gig…go for the DVD…and head straight for Woke Up Dreaming. Everything you ever imagined about live music being so totally awe inspiring emotionally will be validated on that track…as Bonamassa tears it up for 10 plus minutes with only his voice and acoustic guitar. Goosebumps.

Booker T/Potato Hole Who woulda figured this? 64 year-old Stax legend Booker T. Jones hadn’t released a collection of tunes in practically decades…then along comes this from outta-left field ear busting monster collaboration with Neil Young and Drive-By Truckers. Mr. Jones proves he can still romp…and it’s found as you chomp down hard on the cover of OutKast’s Hey Ya…and then get your ears kicked sideways by Pound It Out. Never thought we’d say this about work from Booker T…but here we go: Crank it up!

Bob Dylan/Modern Times The man could be kicking back somewhere comfy…resting on his laurels and sipping or smoking whatever makes him happy. But, nope. Rather, here roars Thunder on the Mountain…and Dylan concocting 9 additional tumbling, rumbling grooves which might as well serve as the soundtrack for the Boomers in Century 21. Someday Baby, maybe. Modern Times, indeed.

Rolling Stones/Get Yer Ya Ya’s Out If Dylan’s Modern Times is designated the soundtrack for Boomers in the 2010’s…then this re-mastered 40th anniversary 1970 live set from Mick and the boys was the soundtrack for the post-flower power 1970’s. The Stones during this era were so musically tight it practically made all other bands irrelevant. And when they were introduced as “the greatest rock and roll band in the world”…it was no hype. It was God’s truth…and 7 minutes of Sympathy for the Devil proves it. Paint It Black, for sure.

Now go out and make some noise in 2010.

Funny thing happened the other day while The Blimp Crew was enduring nearly two and a half hours of Michael Mann’s Depression Era criminal minds feast, Public Enemies.

Layered and almost lost between the multiple Johnny Depp sneers and tommy gun battles were a couple of Otis Taylor musical gems…including 10 Million Slaves…from his 2008 album…Recapturing The Banjo.

If you’re not familiar with the blues created by 61 year old Denver native Taylor…his version is often a totally intoxicating blend of Delta blues, jazz…and silky, mysterious voices…one most notably provided by his daughter, Cassie Taylor. So mesmerizing…Taylor’s work has come to be known as Trance blues.

While trying to define Otis Taylor’s uniqueness…we ran across a recent review of some of his more recent work in Living Blues…and it pretty much nailed it: “(Taylor) evokes emotional intensity through the positive interplay between acoustic instruments and undistorted voices.”

Interesting instruments, those banjos. Most folks identify them, of course, with American bluegrass…and what would bluegrass be without banjos for gawdsakes? But the string instrument’s origin is actually from Africa…and with help from the likes of sage bluesmen Corey Harris, Alvin Youngblood Hart and Keb’ Mo’…Taylor steals us with acoustic banjo intepretations of blues classics…as well as one helluva performance of Hey Joe you will repeatedly click play.

So in between the 1930’s gun battles and and screeching car chases at the big screen the other day…we rediscovered an old musical friend.

Our entertainment advice for the weekend? Save yourself the ten bucks you’d have spent on Public Enemies…and download some Otis Taylor instead.

It’ll be criminal if you don’t.

Michael Jackson was a Freak of Nature.

In the 19th century, PT Barnum made a fortune with a traveling circus. He had a special tent branded The Freak Show where he showcased weirdos, oddballs, talented freaks and the awe-inspiring.

If Michael Jackson had lived during those days, his uniquely rare talents might have been right at home staged in one of Barnum’s Freak Show tents.

Because Michael Jackson was a Freak for the ages. This guy was the definition of Freak. We were entertained, amused and disgusted by him. And it’s why we couldn’t take our eyes and ears off of him.

Act One of The Freak Show netted Michael Jackson enormous success. You know the story. For over 20 years Michael Jackson was the King of Pop.

At eleven years old Michael Jackson walked onto the TV stage of the Ed Sullivan Theater one Sunday evening…sang his heart out on “I Want You Back”…and immediately created a frenzied cross racial, cross cultural fan base which would endure and follow his every move for over four decades.

Eleven year olds don’t normally do that.

Fame and fortune followed.

Freak.

Yet for all his charismatic charm and awesome natural gifts to entertain…evil demons stalked Michael Jackson.

And those demons created Act Two of The Michael Jackson Freak Show.

They’re the villains who convinced Michael he wasn’t talented enough to satisfy his family…wasn’t handsome enough unless he hideously butchered his appearance…wasn’t wealthy enough without buying the Dylan and Beatles music…couldn’t have enough fun without a personal amusement park…didn’t believe he could be loved unless he slept with small children…and wasn’t dangerously bizarre enough without dangling his child off the deck of a skyscraper.

Those actions were not normal.

Freak.

His personal life was a train wreck. We all attended this act of The Freak Show for free. We chased the sirens. Unfortunately for Jackson his outlandishness was probably the admission price the demons exacted from him as payback for his huge talent…and was the cost he paid to share it with us.

There’s always a price for fame and fortune.

And now too soon the Final Act of The Michael Jackson Freak Show has been written.

The script is complete. It includes cable TV talking head eulogies, news helicopters trailing Jackson’s corpse over LA skies…and billions of tears shed worldwide by his adoring fans.

We miss him.

PT Barnum could have made a killing off this guy.

Those fun loving guys in the GOP are tripping all over their dicks again this week…as yet another high profile Republican pol admits to having sex with someone other than his own wife.

Here’s The Blimp Crew’s toast in song to the latest dummies hitting the road on the GOP’s Failed Path To The White House Tour….as South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford joins Nevada Senator John Ensign: the two biggest dick tripping hypocrites of the week.

Got a good reason, for taking the sleazy way out
Got a good reason, for taking the sleazy way out, now

We were dick…trippers, one way zippers, yeah!
It took us so…long…to work it out, but we worked it out

She’s a big teaser, took me halfway to Appalachia-tina, now
She’s a big teaser, took me half the way to campaign nirvana…

Wow!

We were dick…trippers, one way zippers, yeah!
It took us so…long, to work it out, but we worked it out

Tried to please her, wow…she really rocked our night stands
Tried to please her…she really only blew GOP’s, wow

We were dick…trippers, looney fuckers, yeah!
It took us so long…to work it out, but we worked it out

Dick trippers
Yank our zippers, yeah!

Dick trippers
Yank our zippers, yeah!

-With apologies to John and Paul

Every Tuesday iTunes gives away a new, free single download…and most every week we wonder why we bothered checking it out…most of ‘em are so consistently bad. After a quick review, it’s usually painfully obvious why they’re gratis. Most of them are throw aways.

So imagine our surprise a couple of weeks back when we clicked on Black Joe Lewis and The Honeybears freebie, Sugarfoot. After a few quick bars in…we thought these guys were  Houston’s Archie Bell and the Drells…masquerading as 21st century party animals…because  The Blimp Crew kept hearing The Drells AM radio ‘68 classic, Tighten Up.

Like Archie’s house rockin‘ 60’s soul…Joe Lewis’ music is Dr. Feelgood pub and party time stuff.

Though NPR said of Joe’s lead vocals…“he shouts and wails like a soul man, Joe Lewis drools and gums his words so unintelligibly you’ll be lucky to catch one in five.”…it’s well worth sorting through the mush mouth as Lewis’ eight piece Austin, Texas band is in full party mode with tons of horns and 60’s soul on it’s new release, Tell ‘Em What Your Name Is.

This is rockin’ swingin’ classic soul man fun stuff…which proves once again…you don’t have to understand all the words…to get your party on.

Neil Young is a superstar.

And he is a wealthy man.

Because Neil Young was able to connect with fans over the years through raw and often times roughly textured musical paintings of rich emotion and contemporary social relevance.

Yet, despite all of his genuine heartfelt environmental and social concerns…and for the most part…his still relevant music making…Neil Young has fallen into the musical superstar trap of self-indulgence.

Young’s first volume of his Complete Archives Series released this week…fittingly titled “Neil Young Archives: Volume 1, 1963-1972″…appears to be exactly the kind of wretched excess he so emotionally writes and sings about regarding so many of our 21st century extremes.

The Blimp Crew will tell you right now, however…that our criticism of “Volume 1, etc” is based on Young’s analysis of his new package…rather than our purchase of it. Because to actually buy the new collection would have meant we skip essentials this month such as food, clothing and utilities…and somehow we just can’t seem to justify that.

So…we’ve mined Neil’s website for the very- latest-up-to-datest news on the project…as well as Randy Lewis’ excellent LA Times piece.

Young’s quest to satisfy his need to share every little lick of his personal musical ascent with the masses…has resulted in extraordinarily ridiculous list prices for “Archives”. His justification in part for the “Archive” series is his hatred of music downloads…versus the pristine digital reproduction quality provided on the high tech CD and Blu-Ray offerings.

So…if you absolutely can’t live without Neil’s complete pictorial and musical history dating back to his high school days in The Squires…require more copies of his Buffalo Springfield involvement and additional recordings you most likely possess of his early solo days…then we suppose you won’t think twice about shelling out up to $299.00 for the “Archives” Blu-Ray set.

Yes, we completely understand that Neil’s near death crisis a few years ago created a focused resolve within himself to catalog his life. We get it. It’s been an extraordinary journey. One we’ve all enjoyed.

But we honestly believe Neil Young’s over-the-top collection is one that could have remained on the shelves of his own personal library. Because in creating a tribute to himself…which he believes many will spend big bucks on…he’s actually succumbed to the same awkward, clueless embarrassment that other classic acts of the 70’s era like the Eagles and AC/DC created for themselves by selling CD’s only through socially wicked retailer Wal Mart.

Neil Young…like the Eagles and AC/DC…has forgotten who helped make him successfully famous…and rich.

Real people.  The Woodstock Generation.

Unless there’s a realistic way for his true fans to enjoy Neil Young’s terrific life story…without having to miss meals and live without AC during the hot summer…as far as we’re concerned…he might as well skip the next few planned installments of “Archives”.

No one will be able to afford them…except rich guys like Neil Young.

If Emily Litella read the news today…oh boy…

“What’s all this I hear about asteroids and bass players?

How did asteroids get to be such a big deal with a few guys who play bass in rock bands and symphonies?

When did all those bass players decide that shooting asteroids in the sky would help them play their bottom heavy instruments with more power? Is the bottom end too heavy for them to carry a tune onstage nowadays?

And can they really make more money in a band if they shoot asteroids?

What’s the deal? Are we raising a bunch of money grubbing musical wimps now?

Can’t any of the new bass players hit the low notes like Stanley Clarke, Greg Lake and Dave Holland did in the good old days without shooting asteroids? I’ll bet you neither John Paul Jones nor John Entwistle ever had to shoot asteroids to hit the low ones.

And those guys who played the big double bass on Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony back in the 19th century!

Wow!

Dit-dit-dit-daaaah!!! Three quick G’s and a long E-flat. Those bass heroes never needed asteroids! The most memorable musical phrase of all time…performed by asteroid free bass players!

Don’t these new guys know that playing the bass today should show respect for all the bass players who played before them who weren’t doing asteroids?

Yes, yes…I know…it’s only entertainment…but do the new bass players really think they can play better than the old timers because they cheat with shooting asteroids for inspiration?

Oh, what’s that?

It’s not asteroids and bass players.

It’s steroids and baseball players.

What are they?

Oh, well then…

…never mind.”

It’s been about three weeks since the April 15th tax return deadline…and if you’re one of the lucky ones who the IRS owes a refund…it’s just about time for the check to hit your mailbox.

And the Blimp Crew can’t think of a better way to celebrate a little extra loot…than by loading up on a few new tunes…heavy on the blues. The following recent releases should be at the top of your hit list.

Booker T./Potato Hole

It’s been more than 20 years since Booker T. Jones released new material…and oh, how we’ve missed the soul of Jones’ keyboards driving his MG’s. Then, from out of nowhere, comes Potato Hole...and a totally unexpected collaboration with the Drive-By Truckers…and Neil Young! The Truckers three guitars serve Jones as his studio band…while Young takes the lead on 9 of Hole’s 10 new tracks. If you have any doubt about what Booker T. hoped to accomplish with a blues/soul/rock mix like this…Young’s trademark riffs to open up the scintillating Pound It Out will make everything perfectly clear.

Joe Bonamassa/The Ballad of John Henry

With a string of blues chart number one’s, Bonamassa’s self-proclaimed musical goal is to keep the blues alive as an art form. With this latest collection of raucous belting…we think he’s got a decent chance at succeeding. If you loved last year’s instant classic Sloe Gin…this year’s John Henry accelerates the momentum he created with it…smoothly defining his theory of what rockin’ blues in the 21st century should sound like on his eighth release. It’s Bonamassa’s  emotionally charged tour de force…one you can’t miss.

Gary Moore/Bad For You Baby

In the 70’s and 80’s…stints with Thin Lizzy and Skid Row served as spring board bands for Irish guitarist Gary Moore. While those gritty bands rocked…Moore’s true love has always been the blues. 2008’s Still Got The Blues stands as the classic achievement of his career to date…yet with Bad For You Baby…he extends his reach beyond bluesy to soulful. Grab it…play it…love it. I Love You More is the killer track on this one.

Now…go cash that Treasury check!

Here’s an event Saturday April 18th that shouldn’t be missed by any recorded music fan…regardless of age. But especially those of us who are old (mature) enough to remember dashing down to our local Main Street record stores back in the 1950’s and 60’s to pick up the latest hit 45’s…and newfangled long playing 33’s.

It’s the Third Annual Record Store Day.

Record Store Day was conceived as a celebration of the unique culture surrounding over 700 independently owned record stores in the United States…as well as hundreds of similar stores internationally.

In this age of high speed downloads and mega huge retailers like Walmart and Target sucking the life out of small, independent music sellers…the event takes on much more important significance: Save the Indies!

Many of the little guys participating in Record Store Day will have cool promotions Saturday…many with in-store artist appearances.

Here are a few favorite indie shops your Blimp Crew has had the good fortune of dropping in on over the years. If you’ve gotta chance Saturday…spin on over.

Music Millennium Portland.

CD World Eugene.

Georgetown Records Seattle.

Wall Of Sound Seattle.

Down Home Music Berkeley.

Amoeba Music San Francisco, Hollywood and Berkeley.

Rasputin Records Berkeley.

Stinkweeds Phoenix.

Zia Record Exchange Phoenix and Tempe.

Louisiana Music Factory New Orleans.

Neil Young’s new album, Fork In The Road, will be released April 7.

In the meantime…check out the title track.

As usual, Young’s political commentary is right on the button…“There’s a bailout coming but it’s not for you.”

Got a pot belly,
It’s not too big
Gets in my way
When I’m driving my rig

Driving this country
In a big old rig
Things I’ve seen
Mean a lot

Friend has a pickup
Drives his kid to school
Then he takes his wife
To beauty school

Now she’s doin’ nails
Gonna get a job
Got a good teacher

There’s a fork in the road ahead
I don’t which way I’m gonna turn
There’s a fork in the road ahead

About this year
We salute the troops
They’re all still there
In a fucking war
It’s no good
Whose idea was that?

I’ve got hope
But you can’t eat hope
I’m not done
Not giving up
Not cashing in
Too late

There’s a bailout coming but it’s not for me
It’s for all those creeps watching tickers on TV
There’s a bailout coming but it’s not for me

I’m a big rock star
My sales have tanked
But I still got you
Thanks
Download this
Sounds like shit

Keep on bloggin’
‘Til the power goes out
Your battery’s dead
Twist and shout

On the radio
Those were the days
Bring ‘em back

There’s a bailout coming but it’s not for you
It’s for all those creeps hiding what they do
There’s a bailout coming but it’s not for you
Bailout coming but it’s not for you

Got my flat screen
Got it repo’d now
They picked it up
Left a hole in the wall
Last Saturday
Missed the Raiders game

There’s a bailout coming but it’s not for you
There’s a bailout coming but it’s not for you
It’s for all those creeps hiding what they do

Fork In The Road-Neil Young

If the new U2 collection….“No Line On The Horizon”…was any more derivatively boring than it already is…it would easily earn a place behind Walgreen’s pharmaceutical counter as the next great sleep aid…right there next to Ambien.

Wow. This one’s awful.

We did get somewhat encouraged when we heard the collection’s second track…“Magnificent”…which it almost is. But by the time we’d passed the lazy, hyper-dramatic, early release single “Get On Your Boots”…and had stomached four minutes forty-one of track 9…the complete downer “White As Snow”…we just wanted to tune out.

Interscope Records must really be embarrassed. One needs a magnifying glass to find the tiny Interscope logo on any hard copy packaging.

The album could have been more accurately titled…“Nothing New On The Horizon”. That way millions of global fans would have known immediately they could save their shrinking nest eggs of depression era dough from this money grabbing machine.

Because the world’s favorite rock band has figured out lots of ways to separate you from your near-Monopoly money.

U2 has absolutely bombarded the marketplace with a seemingly endless combination of album packages for those who want to toss extra loot at “…Horizon”.

One can actually spend almost a hundred bucks on a Limited Edition box set with CD, poster, DVD and book. Digi-packs include film downloads and a magazine…they can go as high 50 bucks retail. And then there’s also a 180 gram vinyl version; two LP’s (the suddenly cool again format for cave dwellers and Chevy Nova owners) with a suggested retail number of just under $30.

Oh, and you can’t download an iTunes version of “…Horizon” for less than $17.99. But it is of course, the “Deluxe Edition”.

Deluxe. Indeed.

H-e-l-l-o! The world’s financial system is melting. Get a clue!

This kind of excess only serves to mask the failings of the real product…the music. All this marketing glitz is really kind of like an over-the-top resume. One where the unemployed has created all sorts of really cool graphics on glossy paper…hoping to divert the personnel department from the applicant’s real lack of qualifications. Whenever we receive one of those things for a Blimp Crew opening…they go straight to trash.

If we hadn’t heard all the famous U2 riffs before on any of the previous dozen or so contributions “…Horizon” might be interesting. But really…we should get more than three Edge chords and Bono wailing “whoa-oh-oh-oh-whoa-oh-oh-oh” after all these years.

What. A. Mess. If we were Bono…we’d be searching for larger, darker pairs of designer shades to hide behind.

But really, if U2 was a TV show…we’d say this one had just Jumped The Shark.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Wake us when it’s over.

Financial markets are not just rolling and tumbling…they are disintegrating.

It seems they’ve all been managed by a bunch of Bernie Madoff clones.

Oh, wow!

Was Ozzy Osboune right?

Anxiety reaches new heights as interconnected global economies plunge to new depths. We read and hear frightening words daily.

Bankruptcy. Unemployment. Fear. Recession. Depression.

The enormity of the terrible economic scale arrives in larger doses each time we click on a news link…flick on the tube.

So, here’s Ozzy Osbourne’s “cheery” take on our current plight from Black Rain a couple of years back.

We guess if you write and sing long and hard enough that B-a-d-S-h-i-t is about to happen…Bad Shit finally happens.

It’s in the lives that we lead
Setup for money and greed
A little isn’t enough we have to use it all up
Success, excess, the truth is inconvenient

Oh hang your head
Pillaged and left us for dead
You kept us blind and mislead
How could you think nothing’s wrong
You won’t be smiling for long
When it’s all gone, gone
We can never go back

Burn into the air and atmosphere
Watching the rain come down
Turn your head away ignore the fear
Watching the ice crash down

Our father’s justice gets closer
How could you screw us all over
Rape, steal and murder
God bless the almighty dollar
The almighty dollar

Poison the air that we breathe
Chained to industrial need
Destroy the souls that you steal, the radiation is real
Debate, too late, you’ve built our funeral pyre

You kill my faith
Mother earth, desecrate
Deceive the whole human race
I know you think nothing’s wrong
We won’t be breathing for long
When it’s all gone, gone
We can never go back

Burn into the air and atmosphere
Watching the rain come down
Turn your head away ignore the fear
Watching the ice crash down

Our father’s justice gets closer
How could you fuck us all over
Rape, steal and murder
God bless the almighty dollar

Death, doom and disaster
The point of no return
No earthly life ever after
Is it too late to learn?

Burn into the air and atmosphere
Watching the rain come down
Turn your head away ignore the fear
Watching the ice crash down

Our father’s justice gets closer
How could you fuck us all over
Rape, steal and murder
God bless the almighty dollar
The almighty dollar

The Almighty Dollar-Ozzy Osbourne

Has John Kennedy’s Vietnam morphed into Barack Obama’s Afghanistan?

Well, come on all of you, big strong men,
Uncle Sam needs your help again.
He’s got himself in a terrible jam
Way down yonder in Afghanistan
So put down your books and pick up a gun,
We’re gonna have a whole lotta fun.

And it’s one, two, three,
What are we fighting for ?
Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,
Next stop is Afghanistan;
And it’s five, six, seven,
Open up the pearly gates,
Well there ain’t no time to wonder why,
Whoopee! we’re all gonna die.

Come on Wall Street, don’t be slow,
Why man, this is war au-go-go
There’s plenty good money to be made
By supplying the Army with the tools of its trade,
But just hope and pray that if they drop the bomb,
They drop it on the Tal-i-ban.

And it’s one, two, three,
What are we fighting for ?
Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,
Next stop is Afghanistan.
And it’s five, six, seven,
Open up the pearly gates,
Well there ain’t no time to wonder why
Whoopee! we’re all gonna die.

I Feel Like I’m Fixin’ To Die Rag-Country Joe McDonald

Fifty years ago today…February 3, 1959…Buddy Holly,  J.P. Richardson and Ritchie Valens died when the plane they’d chartered to fly them to their next gig in Fargo, North Dakota…crashed in an Iowa cornfield.

Fifty years later, their lasting contributions allow us to…

Rock on.

Hail, Hail…

…from the late Representative James B. Utt, California Republican…circa 1966:

“The Beatles, and their mimicking rock-and-rollers, use the Pavlovian techniques to produce artificial neuroses in our young people. Extensive experiments in hypnosis and rhythm have shown how rock and roll music leads to a destruction of the normal inhibitory mechanism of the cerebral cortex and permits easy acceptance of immorality and disregard of all moral norms.”

A strange, twisted fellow…Utt represented Orange County, California from 1952 until his death in 1970. Some of his other views and “accomplishments”…

Utt worked to remove the United States from the United Nations.

Utt voted against the Civil Rights Acts of 1960, 1964, and 1968, and against the Voting Rights Act of 1965.

Utt claimed that “a large contingent of barefooted Africans” might be training as part of a United Nations military exercise to take over the United States.

Utt also claimed that black Africans were possibly training in Cuba…preparing for an invasion of the United States.

This guy makes Blagojevich seem like Gandhi.

Utt—erly disgusting.

Rock on.

The end of most years seems to provide us with wild and crazy stories…like the bozo who tried to melt the snow and ice off his porch with a blow torch...setting his house on fire instead. Or the SoCal lunatic who dressed up as Santa and wiped out a bunch of folks at a Christmas party.

Yes, stranger than fiction.

But 2008 will mostly be remembered for the following stories…for which The Blimp Crew provides the Top 10 Soundtrack.

1.  The Wall Street Meltdown. Montrose Paper Money

2.  Big Bank Bailouts. Steve Miller Band Take The Money And Run

3.  Detroit’s Big 3 Bailout. David Crosby Drive My Car

4.  Barack Obama is elected. The Blues Brothers Soul Man

5.  Real Estate and Housing Crisis. Neil Young This Old House

6.  Oil prices surge, then plunge. The Kinks A Gallon Of Gas

7.  Bernard Madoff’s Ponzi scheme. Peggy Lee Hey Big Spender

8.  Food prices spike, commodities soar. Paul Revere Hungry

9.  Stocks plunge globally. Cat Stevens Wild World

10.  Israel invades Gaza. Ten Years After I’d Love To Change The World

I picked out a tree
And I tied it to the car
There’s a wreath up on our door
Eight tiny reindeer in the yard
I drove under the downtown lights
Red and green and blue
The silver neon snowflakes
Only made me think of you
It’s Christmas all around me
You’re in someone else’s land
So I’m sending out my only wish
Hey Santa tell the man

Hey mister send my baby home
This December I don’t want to be all alone
Oh Christmas in America
I need you in my arms
Far away from harm
Mister send my baby home

I hear someone singing jingle bells
No wait that’s deck the halls
And the teenagers with candy canes
Ramble through the malls
The girls are down at Ruby’s
Trying to find some Christmas cheer
There’s not much to do but drink too much
When everyday’s unclear
So here I am on Christmas eve
This silent holy night
And I reach up to the stars for you
And I pray that you’re alright

What happened to the peace on earth
All that goodwill toward men
Oh come on all ye faithful
It’s time to think again

Christmas In America-Melissa Etheridge