Ditch the Time Suckers, end the Recession.
You know what a Time Sucker is, don’t you?
It’s a seemingly innocent distraction which all of us are guilty of falling prey to at least once or twice a day. A guilty pleasure perhaps. Unfortunately, many of us succumb to the urge to piddle away valuable time and energy at our workplaces these days more often than we should…pleasurably distracted, of course.
Face it America…we’re being time-sucked dry.
Because the distractions add up…and before we’ve realized it…time has been pissed away…essential productivity drained….money lost…
…Economic Recovery Stalled!
Ever wonder how fast The Great Recession might disappear if, en masse, Americans ditched the Time Suckers restraining the nation’s productivity?
Well…let’s see.
The Blimp Crew suggests 5 simple ways you can help our economy recover…f-a-s-t!
1. Stop Twittering…tweeting…or whatever the hell it is you’re doing with your thumbs. Does the world really need to know you’ve finally found that great pair of Jimmy Choo Glitter Slingback pumps you’ve been searching 3 months for? Now of course…buying the Jimmy Choo’s is OK…big loot in the tills at retailers and all that. But tweeting it to the world is a Time Sucker. Big time.
2. Stop watching poker tournaments on ESPN. If you dig watching cards dealt to a bunch of pasty white guys sitting around some Vegas card room at 3 o’clock on a sunny afternoon…you need to jack yourself up out of the Lazy Boy and grab a life. Surely, some sort of meaningful employment will follow. That, or the desire to seek the true essence of Krishna.
3. Stop trying to lose weight on the Taco Bell Drive-Thru Diet. Gonna really waste time on this one. If you’re stupid enough to believe you’ll deflate that Michelin tire draped around your middle by pounding down cheesy nachos and greasy burritos without leaving the comfort of your Kia…well, we have a dozen low-carb Krispy Kreme donuts we’d like you to suck on. Try mixing something green into your stomach once in awhile. After your body gets over the initial shock that a fairly healthy item has fallen into it…it might actually allow you to experience the beauty of metabolism. The mind, miraculously…will follow.
4. Stop Facebook-ing. If you have 329 Facebook friends..and you found ‘em all without actually speaking with any of them…but rather by methodically tagging each one ala Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon…they are most assuredly, not your friends. They are the avatars lining up to be the extras in James Cameron’s next 3-D sequel. Oh…and that’ll be a Time Sucker too.
5. Stop sexting. If the only sex you’re getting is slipping through your fingers…well, you’re really wasting your time. Here’s a clue: Real sex is where two people (…or more. Maybe three people? Certain geography may apply. Check offer for details.) actually touch, grope and/or fondle warm human parts. And it helps if you care about the human parts you happen to be touching, groping and/or fondling. If your human parts are defective…well, then…we might understand the sexting sensation. But..not really. We just said that to make you feel better. After all…isn’t that all that sexters really care about?
Feeling better right now.
Kind of like what we want for the economy…
…To feel better. Right now.
Suckers.